If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
