If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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