he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
