Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I intend to get homeless drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
