hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
