I heard we made out
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
