Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
