Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
