I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
