So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
