Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
