So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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