can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
