I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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