I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
