so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it's like iHOP with fire
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
