Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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