WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
