I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
As shirtless as possible
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
