I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We're too hungover to prance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
