I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
