JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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