Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
