life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
