If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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