why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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