I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
