Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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