The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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