$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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