bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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