mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So many bounce houses so little time
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
