im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
