i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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