I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
