You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
