just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
