So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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