can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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