tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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