but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
