I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
