he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
