Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
