so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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