I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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