I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
