we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
