Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
