I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
