its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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