Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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