i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Randomize
