Just fell off a train. Bad.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
third nipple confirmed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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