dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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