i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
